Lucky Star

met someone

2007-03-05T18:52:00.000-08:00

I met someone.

I don't want to jinx it so I'm not going to write about him in here yet. We have a date tonite. I'll explain more later.

I hope it goes good...

Blog Therapy

2007-02-06T20:54:00.000-08:00

Blog Therapy.

List ten things you want to say to ten people you know, but never will for whatever reason. Don't say who they are. (Duh.) Use each person only once and only use one sentence.

1)Why do you give a shit what I do & who I do it with. It's none of your business.
2)You are the only person I will ever trust.
3)Sometimes, you make me feel like I'm wasting my time.
4)I can't be with you, but I don't want you be with her either.
5)If I could change one thing about you...I'd just change you.
6)You deserve better.
7)When you're not around, I complain about you to everyone.
8)I wish I wanted to be with you, like you want to be with me.
9)You're just like your dad.
10)I think someday you'll regret a lot of things.

Wow, that was nice to do. I think everyone should do it.

hurts so bad

2007-01-10T07:36:00.000-08:00

Should I really be doing this? Everyone's saying he's getting the best of both worlds, me still doing everything with/for him, and being able to see other girls. At the same time, it's me getting what I want, but it can't be helping me, can it. Everytime i hear of someone else, it hurts. It shouldn't hurt this bad if I don't want to be with him, right? I am in so much conflict with myself right now about what i need/want to do. Of course I want him to be happy. Maybe just not so soon. I dunno. All I know is that I'm getting hurt in the process. Feels like all over again.

hate these feelings

2007-01-01T07:53:00.000-08:00

Is it true...does a girl take the amount of years she was dating a guy and need that many months to get over him? Because it sure feels like I never will. Strange thing is, I don't know how much I really want to. Except that it would hurt less if I could. I sometimes wish I had someone to use to get over him, but at the same time I don't want that. I'm not sure what I want. All I know is that somedays it hurts so bad that I can hardly handle it, and other days I'm completely satisfied with where I am in my life. Maybe once winter is over I'll feel better. It's just so depressing.

personalized

2006-11-26T14:17:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer : Very Personal Post.

I hate myself for feeling this way. I LIKE the you treated me when we were dating. I LOVE the way you treat me now. I don't want to be with you. I'm sorry. I don't want to lose the things you say to me, or the things you do. It feels like you only said them before because you HAD to. And now, it's because you mean it. I like having you with no commitment. I know that makes me a bad person. I can't change how I feel. Don't ever think that I don't want you, or don't Love you. Of course I do. Nothing will change that. I just can't lose myself again. I can't have habit with you.

I hope you understand how I feel, and don't hate me for it. I already hate myself enough for the both of us.

Please:
Don't change for anyone. Continue to treat me how you are treating me. Don't tell lies, I can handle the truth. Don't keep secrets. Stay the same. Be yourself. Love me forever...

You're still my hero.

new cd help

2006-11-16T13:23:00.000-08:00

I need to make a new cd...something fun & bubbly...possibly breakup & I'll be ok songs. Please put in the comments any suggestions that you have for me. Old or New songs...ask your friends too, and see if they have any suggestions. Let me know! Thanks!

i want friends

2006-11-14T20:17:00.000-08:00

Did i ever mention that I HATE winter? And not because of the snow. I hate it because I get depressed. I'm to the point where I feel like I have no friends. I just need to be doing something all the time. Please, if anyone know of anyway to keep me occupied, let me know. Even if you're a complete stranger reading this, and you want to go for coffee or something...PLEASE tell me. I need to get out!

snow & stuff

2006-11-08T09:58:00.000-08:00

Where did all this snow come from?!?! Santa, take it back! Haha.

So, if you can't tell, I'm better now. I'll post about my "revelation" later. Basically, just, everything is going to be ok. There are things that upset me, and it's not going to be easy, but I'm strong, right? When something bad arises, I will get thru it. With tears obviously, but for the most part, I'll be alright. The world has not come to an end...and neither have I. Things change, and sometimes for the better. Sometimes not. And sometimes things change & then go back...but they'll never be the same. Nothing is ever the same...and thats alright with me. I hope everyone has a wonderful snowy day, and i'll write more later!

single? i wish it wasn't real

2006-10-30T12:03:00.000-08:00

My birthday was fun. Mostly it seems like it was a lie though. I thought I got everything I wanted. I was spoiled as can be. Until the 27th...Gary broke up with me. I can't seem to stop crying. I've never gone thru a real breakup before. I can't eat or sleep properly. I never want to get out of bed. I feel sick to my stomach. But I can't seem to get angry. I don't want to be mad. I don't want to hate him. I might still be in shock. I just can't believe that I had such a great weekend the week before, and now this. It's like in 3 days he turned into a completely different person. And doesn't love me anymore. Or thats how it feels. It would make more sense to me if we had been fighting...but we hadn't. I don't know what else to say. I wish there were white lies that people could tell me. False hope even. Just so that I wouldn't have to deal with the awful truth of things. Just so I could temporarily feel better. I know it's not going to happen. So much stuff to pack up. So many things to go over. So much has happened, and so much won't happen. 5 years is a long time...but not long enough. I still want more.

2006-09-11T21:26:00.001-07:00

UPDATED SEPT 23:
So I've been hearing a lot lately about creating a "life list", so I've decided to create my own. I will hopefully add to it everytime I think of something else. To some of you these things might seem pretty mediocre.....but I want to do EVERY single one of them.
(and cross things off as i do it)

My Life List:
1)Be more patient
2)Make a quilt
3)Learn grandma's perogie recipe
4)Learn a different language
5)Create a recipe to pass on to my kids/their kids
6)Travel to BC with grandma to visit her brother
7)Visit Ukraine
8)Meet a distant relative
9)Try sushi
10)Take a spontaneous road trip
11)Adopt a pet from the SPCA
12)See Annie the musical
13)Volunteer at Canadian National Institute For The Blind
14)Take a dance class
15)Star as an extra in a movie/tv show
16)Go on a trip by plane
17)Go on a trip by train
18)Go to Disneyland
19)Hold a baby tiger
20)Go to Kelowna with my cousin
21)Learn basic sign language
22)Travel to Australia
23)Donate my hair to kids with cancer
24)Go to a spa with my mom
25)Give blood
26)Be in the delivery room during a birth - i was recently in the room with a woman in labour, but not giving birth, so i'm giving 1/2 a point to this one
27)Get a tattoo
28)Build a birdhouse
29)Go skinny-dipping
30)Sign up for an aerobic/workout class
31)

2006-06-23T19:34:00.000-07:00

Friday's Feast #99

Appetizer
On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how much do you like your job?
I'd say about a 7...I like that I don't have to look for another one. It's very secure...pay isn't bad...like any job, it has it's bad days.

Soup
When was the last time you think you were lied to?
Uhm...probably about an hour ago...when I asked a friend to come over & see my new car, and he said he was busy.

Salad
Share some lyrics from one of your favorite songs.
Are you serious? I like too many songs. How about....I Love My Bitch by Busta Rhymes "my lady never lets me down thats why i never let her go she always here to lift me up when i fall down and hit the floor my baby so amazing let me sit back and count the ways"

Main Course
What do you do/take when you are in pain?
Tylenol Ultra...or Advil...yumm, not chalky. And I'm a big baby...I get grumpy too.

DessertFill in the blanks: My __________ is very __________.
My boyfriend is very sweet & sexy. Teehee. Or..... My New Car is very HOTT.

monitor anyone?

2006-06-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

Wow, May 3rd was my last posting...thats too crazy. My car broke down, as did my computer monitor, so if anyone knows of anyone who is trying to ditch a computer monitor, please let me know....I need something decent...not an old 1980's monitor with 16 colors. Trust me, I'm using one like that right now, and it's just not cuttin it.

thrice the luck

2006-05-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

Bad week.
1)peeping tom outside my window @ 1:30am on Sunday night.
2)monday night the kitchen light goes out...with some weird things included in that
3)someone drives thru the large window @ my work @ 11pm last nite

I feel like I haven't slept in days...bad things come in 3s right?? Here's to hoping.......

2006-04-22T23:16:00.000-07:00

It's been a weird day. I didn't sleep all to well last nite. My day ended with my computer monitor killing itself. I had a moment last nite where I felt as though I was really insignificant. It just seemed as though everyone had no time for me. And I felt as though it was my fault or that I had done something to upset people. It just turns out that there are things going on that just made people too busy for me. I just wish that people wouldn't take their stress out on me. I have tomorrow off. Hopefully I sleep tonite, and have a better day tomorrow.

bad things

2006-04-21T17:03:00.000-07:00

Bad things keep happening.
1)I try to rake the lawn...got a blister on my thumb.
2)Watching America's Next Top Model, and a picture frame falls & breaks.
3)Sitting at my computer, and my chair hit the lamp, and broke it.
4)While picking up the broken pieces of the lamp, I cut myself.
5)Wake up in the middle of the night & stubbed my baby toe on a poker set.
6)Try to plan a trip to see Gary, and it all falls apart.

I just want to cry sometimes. And I'll prolly add to this list later.

short & boring

2006-04-18T22:57:00.000-07:00

Work has been terrible lately....very uneventful....very boring shifts that feel really long. Katrina has been working a lot lately too, so we try to abuse most of the time we have together & watch movies or whatever. A lot of fun.

Gary was in this weekend for Easter....as were my parents. The weekend didn't feel nearly as long as I would have liked. I really wanted to spend more time with my parents, but didn't want to miss out on my time with Gary either. I want to see both again really soon. I'm feeling lonely already.

finally, an update.

2006-04-12T20:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I figured enough that it was time to make a real update.

My roommate moved out about 2 weeks ago. After a long 2 months, it was long overdue. In previous posts, you may have noticed that I was unable to handle the stress anymore. Things just got unbearable. My cousin Katrina has since moved in. I'm loving it so far. It's so nice to have a semi-clean place (would be cleaner, but we need to organize things still), and to be able to come home & feel welcome. To have someone that greets me when she comes home, or when I come home. To have someone to talk to when I'm having a bad day...just to listen to my bitching...or to share songs with. It's just really nice right now. We've always lived so far apart that we'd only see eachother about 2 times a year (when we were younger...once a year when we were older). Everytime we saw eachother we were inseperable, so we have so many memories. Honestly...I never saw myself living with her, but I'm so glad that she decided to move back here & live with me.

Work has been going good. I feel like I work all the time, so I can't wait to take some holidays this summer. I'm going to a couple of weddings (cousin Ashley & cousin Perry are both getting married this summer). They'll both be pretty wild parties. I'm excited. I'm take a day or 2 off to go to the Saskatoon Ex. It'll be the first time that I've ever been to any type of fair with Katrina since we were kids & going to the canaught fair with Grandma & Grandpa. I'm also going camping this summer too. Hopefully a whole week at Waskesieu. I love camping so much...especially now that I know how to kayak...and I'm not scared of it.

Gary & I are good. He's got a lot of exams & final essays, etc to work on right now. I've been able to see him about ever 2 weeks. It's not as hard as I thought it was going to be. I'm handling the distance thing relatively well. I think it'll be more weird if we live together again. It's hard to believe it's been almost 4 months since he moved out already. As far as I know, his school work has been going good. And I'm very proud of him.

Friends...uhm...for the past 3 months or so, I haven't really had any. It kinda sucks. I'd like to be able to have friends to do things with, but it seems like I'm always the odd one out. No one really seems to have time for me.

Mom & Dad are good. Dallas & Nichole are moving out of the house soon. Mom & Dad are coming in this weekend for Easter to stay at a hotel & relax away from the store. I haven't had Easter at a hotel for a long while. When we were younger, this would be the weekend that we'd come to S'toon & go shopping & stay at the hotel & search for easter eggs at the hotel. That was so much fun. Oh to be a kid again. I haven't talked to Grandma for a while now...honestly...I don't think she's doing all that well. I wish she was back in Carrot River & not in PA anymore...she doesn't call me anymore. She used to call me once (sometimes twice) a day...i miss it.

My kitties are doing well. Jinx is almost 3...I can't believe it. Stormy will be 2 in August. Neither have been sick at all lately...but both are pretty skinny right now. I wish I had more money, I would take them both to the vet to see if there's something I can do for them. I don't know if they're uncomfortable being so skinny or what.

Weather has been really nice here. About +12. Wish I had days off to be able to lay outside & enjoy the sun...and get my yard ready for summer. Saturday is going to be about +19, so I'm going garage saleing (sp.), and then I'm gonna enjoy the sun.

I need to get my income tax $$ to spoil myself a bit. I'm going to get a nice haircut (finally a style...before it's too hot out), a massage (i'm slouching too much & looking fatter than I need to), my nails done (chewing them from stress...ick), and some new summer clothes (so I can make myself look slightly thinner). For those of you who can't tell by this post...I'm PMSing. Constant mood swings, and bloated, and definately feeling fat. ICK!!

2006-04-11T14:37:00.000-07:00

I hate PMS...I feel depressed today for some reason. I want to do something fun...not go to work.

Katrina & I painted easter eggs yesterday...that was amusing. And the other day we went to the pet store. They had bunnies.

I just don't want to talk right now....

must be a diet...1 word answer friday feast

2006-04-01T11:02:00.000-08:00

Appetizer
Name 3 things that you think are strange.
1. pregnant woman cravings
2. bubble gum
3. you

Soup
What was the last ceremony you attended?
dallas's grad

Salad
What is one lesson you have learned in the past year?
to always make sure people know that you love them before you go anywhere

Main Course
Tell us about one of your childhood memories.
dallas & i used to put cardboard on our bike tires to make them sound like motorbikes, and we drove up & down the driveway & back down around the garage...was hilarious fun

Dessert
If you could extend any of the four seasons to be twice as long as normal, which season would you want to lengthen?
spring...flowers, rain, sun, not too hot, what more could u ask for?

itunes shuffle

2006-03-31T15:56:00.000-08:00

So here's what I did: iTunes on shuffle, say the question, skip to the next song, interpret. So much fun.

How does the world see me?
Rock The Casbah - The Clash (I guess this means that everyone sees me as a partier, haha)

Will I have a happy life?
I Just Called To Say I Love You - Stevie Wonder ("just another ordinary day"...maybe my life will be plain, but full of love)

What do my friends really think of me?
Think Twice - Eve 6 (uhm, I don't think this song applies here...it's more of a jealous relationship song)

Do people secretly lust after me?
Satisfaction - Benny Benassi (hahaha....this is awesome, answer to the question...apparently, YES)

How can I make myself happy?
Do Somethin' - Britney Spears (I'll be happy, by...doing something??? Thanks Britney...so deep)

What should I do with my life?
Extacy - Dj Aligator (No, I don't think that with my life I should do extacy...Itunes...not very helpful at all)

Will I ever have children?
Runaway - Janet Jackson (uhm, on the surface it's saying that if I have kids they'll runaway...maybe I shouldn't have kids)

What is some good advice for me?
Slow - Kylie Minogue ("dance with me, ya, slow, skip a beat & move in my body"...uhm, I should dance, that's good advice)

These popstars aren't being much help.....maybe the next one will know a bit more......

How will I be remembered?
Shake That - Scooter (I'll be remembered by my ASS...thats awesome...it says "shake shake shake...shake your bootay.....shake your bootay!")

What is my signature dancing song?
Pon De Replay - Rihanna (I had to skip a few songs to get this one, cuz the others were some comedy things I had on here & weren't songs at all, but yes, Rihanna is a good dance song, but I DO NOT do the dance moves that she sings...that's just cheezy)

What do I think my current theme song is?
Good Is Good - Sheryl Crow (Yes, everything is good right now...but when it's bad, I definately know it)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
One Minute Man - Missy Elliot (Uhm...I hate everyone if they think this is my current song, cuz he most definately IS NOT)

What song will play at your funeral?
Two Of Hearts - Stacey Q (Yep, only to say that I'm an 80's girl till the end)

What type of men/women do you like?
Make Me Over - Hole ("i'm all I wanna be", obviously the type that accepts me as I am)

What is my day going to be like?
You Can Do It - Ice Cube (hott...its going to be a partay! and listen to the songs, obviously what it's about....)

What is the first impression you give off?
I Turn To You - Melanie C (I'm a person that everyone can go to for advice & someone to be there)

Wow, that didn't at all work out like I hoped...maybe I have too many songs.

moved out & cleaned

2006-03-31T05:14:00.000-08:00

Well, I got rid of my multiple roommates the other nite. Quiet nite here last nite...Katrina went to PA for a few days, and Gary's coming in tonite. So I had one nite by myself. I spent most of it cleaning.
A girl I worked with passed away on Monday nite. When I worked with her, we most definately were not friends. But when I got transfered (which, now thinking about it, I'm glad I did), she came to visit me, and she was much more pleasant than I ever remember. Kinda saddened me to hear of her passing, so I'm sending her mom a sympathy card letting her now that if she needs anything to let me know.
So Back to the cleaning part. I had to clean for 5 hours yesterday, just to make my place presentable. Still need to arrange some furniture to make it liveable, but it's coming along. It's been really nice out lately too. The snow is finally melting & I see some green grass.
I have Easter off, as I'm feeling a bit homesick lately. Mom & Dad & Dallas & Nichole are coming in for the long weekend on the 15th. I'll get to go swimming & stay at the hotel with them. It'll be nice to have some time off work, and some people to spend it with.
This is just to let everyone know that I am still here and WILL post soon. A real post maybe. I'm just really busy & usually too tired, or have nothing to say. Anyways, I should go shower & get ready for work. It's cowboy weekend....brokeback mountain comes out on tuesday. Ha.

only 1 more week MAX

2006-03-26T11:13:00.000-08:00

Bad week....fight with Danny about noise, people being here, and him not getting out! He moved a friend of his in, and this guy is PISSING ME OFF. He told me things about my computer that he doesn't even know what he's talking about. You got a lot of livin to do buddy, you're only 19! I didn't add anything on to my computer...it's all that it came with! Katrina moved in now & found work. I'm just too damn irritated to post about anything. I just can't wait until this weekend when Gary comes to visit & we can all go out & they will be moved out of my house!

short update...long weekend

2006-03-20T21:59:00.000-08:00

Friday I decided after work to sit around & do nothing. Then I finally got REALLY bored at like 9:00pm, and decided to drive to Regina to visit Gary. That's right, I left my house @ 11pm, and drove 3 hours in the blowing snow & icy roads...in the dark...to visit Gary for the weekend. STUPID IDEA! The roads were soooo bad, and I was like "maybe I should turn around & come back home, but I'm already 1/2 way there, I might as well suck it up & have a good weekend". 2am & I arrive in Regina, get the tour of Gary's dorm & go to bed at like 4:30am. Saturday we went to the science center & the mall for something to do. Stayed up until like 1am, then Sunday we did pretty much nothing. Monday morning I drove back to S'toon & went to work tonite.

As much as I did nothing this weekend, I had so much fun. The weekend seemed so much longer than most weekends do. I wish I could relax like that EVERY weekend. And make it feel like a week. I'm so glad that Gary let me visit him this weekend. I had fun & got to relax.

Now back to the real world. Damn.

PS-thanks for the postcard Christie...when did you send it? I JUST got it...my mailman has been late on a lot of my mail.

Friday Feast (w/ green beer, happy st. patty's)

2006-03-17T06:32:00.000-08:00

Appetizer
What job would you definitely not want to have?
An exterminator. Ick, I hate bugs.

Soup
Oprah calls and wants you to appear on her show. What would that day's show be about?
Weight Loss...or a makeover....either way, I'd gain something (or lose if you wanna think of it that way)

Salad
Name 3 vegetables that you eat on a regular basis.
carrots, corn, tomatoes

Main Course
If you were commissioned to rename your hometown, what would you call it?
Uhm....Lacyville. Thats right, I'd name it after myself.

Dessert
If you had a personal assistant, what kind of tasks would you have them to do?
Mow my law, do the dishes...basically any kind of housework that I didn't want to do. I would still work & stuff, but he/she would be my PERSONAL assistant, which I take as doing anything personal that I don't want to. Clean my bathroom, biotch! Hahaha.

so so tired

2006-03-12T20:42:00.000-08:00

What a fun weekend. Thursday night Gary came in early & we did everything as mentioned in the previous post. Then Friday we went swimming, and came home & played Magic. Then Saturday Katrina came in really early to move her stuff in & then we went for supper & went dancing. And then today I'm really tired & not really in the mood to post anything, but thought I should, just to let everyone know I AM alive, just tired. I'll post when I can.

plans

2006-03-10T06:29:00.000-08:00

So Gary came in last nite (earlier than I expected), and we went to Safeway to pick up some stuff for making supper tonite...and he bought me a miniature daffodil plant, so I will always have flowers. AWWWW. It's so cute. I LOVE IT!

Ok, so now I need to write this for everyone in Saskatoon who reads this (which very much might possibly just be Brea, but oh well). Saturday Night - Double Deuce @ 9:30 ($2.50 drinks, 9 cent wings) --- then later (once we have a couple more people) we're going to the Overdrive for dancing. Anyone have any better suggestions...come out & let me know!! See you there!!

Holy Highschool, Batman!

2006-03-07T18:28:00.000-08:00

I want to start out by saying that I feel completely guilty. I don't like it when Gary talks to his ex's, and tonite, I talked to mine. I completely regret it. But this is me coming out & saying that I talked to him. Anyways, he's turned completely boring. Like he had nothing to say, so it was basically "Hi, how are you" "Good, I'm going to school now" "That's nice, I gotta go now" "Cya". If I had any thoughts before (which I didn't) that I wasn't over him, I know it now.

I was looking thru old pictures last nite from Highschool, and I miss none of it...except a few friends & that we used to hang out all the time. But the situations that I encountered in highscool, I don't miss. Someone gimme a hug & help me get rid of the STUPID past.

late friday feast

2006-03-05T21:15:00.000-08:00

Appetizer
How many pillows and blankets do you sleep with?
Three pillows, one for me & 2 for Gary (when he's here). And I sleep with 2 blankets for me, and then 2 others that i roll into a log, and cuddle like it's Gary. I know, I'm pathetic.

Soup
What are you currently "addicted" to?
Fairtrade coffee chocolate from 10,000 villages. Fair trade, AND yummy.

Salad
If you could make a small change to your current routine or schedule that would make you just a little bit happier, what would it be?
I would try to wake up a little earlier & take in some of the morning.

Main Course
Which adjective do you find yourself using often?
Hot. (or in Gary's case...Hott...he's so hot I have to use 2 t's)

Dessert
Have you ever picked up a hitchhiker?
Nope. Too scared...too many horror stories about hitchhikers.

busy busy bee

2006-03-02T19:54:00.000-08:00

I've got a VERY busy week ahead of me. I'm just dreading it.
Friday
work 9-5
sparks planning meeting 5:30-7:00ish
go out w/ friends 9:30-2am ish

Saturday
go to bank in morning
work 2-10

Sunday
sparks pirate planning meeting at 2 until 5

Monday
work 1-5

Tuesday
Dr. apt in morning
American Idol night

Wednesday
Work 5am-5pm (inventory)
Sparks 6-7
America's Next Top Model 7pm
American Idol night

Thursday
work 10-6
OC night 7-8

Friday
work 9-5
gary comes in?? i hope.

See...some of it consists of TV, but I should get to do something I WANT to do, rather than just things I HAVE to do, right? Actually just posted this mostly as a reminder to myself of things I need to do this week. I KNOW I'm going to forget part of this. Here's to wishing me luck that my memory doesn't fail on this busy week....

In like a lion, out like a lamb

2006-03-01T11:47:00.000-08:00

Jeez, I sure hope that it's nicer at the end of the month. It rained last nite...then froze, then we got a foot of snow (still snowing right now). It's slippery as hell out there right now. Almost needed to shovel my car out of the snowbank that had eaten it. Stupid snow...my car is NOT a hamburger....stop trying to eat it! Hahaha.

Anyways, I have sparks tonite 6-7. It's farm animal nite. I'm thinking I should wear my plaid farmer shirt....i dunno though. I mean, the other leaders hate me enough already, I don't want them to think I'm a complete moron.

Just For Today

2006-02-28T14:23:00.000-08:00

So I know, you're prolly all bored of my song lyrics postings, but this one is important.

Breanne, this one is for you. The future is not important...today is, and what you do today should only matter to you.

Just For Today by India Arie

Just for today
I will not worry what tomorrow will bring
gonna try something new, all through this day
Like I've got nothing to prove

Although, I have the best intentions
Can't predict anyone's reactions
So I just do my best

I put, one foot in front of the other
I keep on moving forward
let faith do the rest

I don't know what's gonna happen
that's alright with me
I open up my arms
and I embrace the mystery

Just for today
I'm telling the truth
like it's going out of style
I'm gonna swallow my pride
be who I am
I don't care who don't like it
I feel, feel but I do it anyway
won't let it stand in the way

I know what I must do
there's no guarantee that it'll be easy
but I know that it'll be fulfilling
and it's time for me to show and prove

It's ok not to know
exploration is how we grow

It's ok to not have the answer
because sometimes it' s the question that matters

I hope that this will help you (and whoever else reads this).

turn down the damn tv

2006-02-27T11:47:00.000-08:00

Trying to listen to Ani DiFranco to calm myself down, and she turned up the tv. LIVID. God, I hate having someone here pissing me off. I just want to be alone...with my computer, and listen to my music, and eat chocolate & drink tea to calm down. But whatever I try to do, it just angers me more & more. HEEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!!

what a bitch

2006-02-27T07:43:00.000-08:00

I didn't even have time to cry or anything after Gary left this morning. I checked my email pretty much right after he walked out the door, and got an email from my roommate's girlfriend (who has been staying here FOREVER...gggrrrrrr). Anyways, it was a quiz, and one question was "Who has made you mad today?", and she goes "Gary, surprise surprise." BITCH!

He was gone all weekend, and just got here yesterday and only saw her for like 5 minutes, and apparently pissed her off even though he said nothing to her?! WTF ever. So I wrote her an email back saying "Careful who you send emails to". And thats it. Maybe she'll say something to me today. If she does, we'll get into a fight, and automatically I win...cuz it's my house...not hers. Yea, I'll have to deal with my roommate after that, but I have the upper-hand. She's a bitch.

13-1

2006-02-26T13:36:00.000-08:00

THIRTEEN random things I like:
13. cats
12. white bubble gum
11. cheese in my chicken noodle soup
10. my grandma's house
09. rain on a sunny day
08. phone calls
07. coffee
06. singing in the shower
05. big snowflakes
04. lip gloss
03. 80's music
02. watching tv in bed
01. me

TWELVE movies that all my friends should watch at least twice:
12. Annie
11. Drive Me Crazy
10. Mean Girls
09. Clueless
08. Finding Nemo
07. The Little Mermaid
06. Empire Records
05. Coyote Ugly
04. The Craft
03. 13 Going On 30
02. Whatever It Takes
01. A Walk To Remember

TEN random things about me:
10. I hate feet
09. I only dance when my cousin is around
08. I love cheesy dance music
07. I'd rather live in a cardboard box with my cats than a ritzy house without my cats
06. I had 2 cats named Annie when I was little
05. I had carpal tunnel surgery at 22
04. I put cheese on pretty much everything
03. I've never pumped my own gas
02. I refuse to drive when there's someone else who can
01. I love to clean, and bake when I'm bored

NINE ways to win my heart:
09. call me by a cheesy nickname
08. take care of me when I'm sick
07. let me bake you cookies
06. say you love my cookies
05. watch a girly movie with me
04. get along with my friends and family
03. call my grandma 'grandma'
02. let me call you every nite just to hear you say "sweet dreams"
01. tell me you love me

EIGHT things I want to do before I die:
08. go somewhere tropical
07. own a house with a hot tub
06. go to disneyland
05. get married
04. have kids
03. spend a week with just my grandma
02. tell my parents that I appreciate everything they've ever done for me
01. visit my great uncle in BC

SEVEN ways to annoy me:
07. tell me that someone or something i love is no good for me
06. argue with me to no end when i KNOW i'm right
05. tell me to do something without asking
04. continue doing something even after I ask you to stop
03. use my stuff & not put it back
02. use my stuff without asking
01. be extremely lazy when there are things to be done

SIX things I believe in:
06. myself
05. love
04. my grandma & her being able to recover from heart surgery
03. karma
02. that animals need to be treated the same as people
01. some kind of card reading, astrology stuff

FIVE things I'm afraid of:
05. spiders (obvious)
04. horses (they're hideous)
03. buffalo (and other huge creatures such as whales, moose, etc)
02. thunder (but i love lightening)
01. needles (even if they're not for me)

FOUR of my favorite items in my room:
04. garebear
03. picture of me, my grandma & grandpa
02. my green fuzzy blanket
01. oriental kitty figurine

THREE things I do everyday:
03. put my hair in a ponytail at some point
02. pet my kitties & tell them I love them
01. walk around barefoot for atleast 10 minutes

TWO things I want to do right now:
02. see my grandma & give her a big hug
01. go out & dance with Katrina

ONE person I want to see right now:
01. my grandma

gifts

2006-02-24T18:36:00.000-08:00

Oh yea, and Gary bought me a few things this week. He bought me the special edition of Annie. My all time favorite movie. What a sweetie. An "I love you" lollipop. Yumm. And another gift that goes unmentioned, but let me tell you, it works damn good. You probably know what I'm talking about, and if you don't, I'm not going to tell you. Thank you Gary...mmm.....

Wish this week had been longer...

2006-02-24T18:32:00.000-08:00

Appetizer
Choose one: moving to another state, having triplets, or never being able to eat chocolate again.
Having triplets. Cuz I'll prolly have twins anyways, so what's one more....it's my generation of family thats gonna have multiples.

Soup
Name a news story that truly shocked you.
The police getting shot in Carrot River. Anything that happens in small towns just shocks me!

Salad
What was your very first job?
Babysitting...then working at my parents store.

Main Course
If you had the chance to read the diary of someone you're really close to, would you? Why or why not?
only if they let me....but I would never just go ahead & read it. I don't like to invade people's privacy.

Dessert
What's something you're looking forward to?
Katrina moving in with me....and the next time I get to see Gary (as always).

Friday Feast

2006-02-17T15:25:00.000-08:00

Appetizer
If you were a color, which color would you be, and why?
I think I'd be red. Sometimes I just feel sexy and red is a sexy color.

Soup
When was the last time you went to the doctor, and what was your reason for going?
January - went for a check up on my hand (had carpal tunnel surgery in November)

Salad
What do you collect?
I don't really collect anything. I wish I could collect cats though. I love my kitties. haha.

Main Course
What were you like in high school? Name one thing you miss and one thing you don't miss about those days. (If you're still there, imagine how you'll remember it in the future.)
I was a loner...I only had a few friends. I miss having a few close friends, and being able to ALWAYS have someone to talk to. I don't miss being considered the class loser.

Dessert
Pretend you're standing in front of your home, with your back towards your home. Describe the view - what can you see? Trees? Cars? A zoo? Wal-Mart?
On the left - a tree & a house. On the Right - a house & some lanterns on the ground. Front - 2 houses, and empty lot, my car & my roommmates truck. Yea...not real exciting.

2006-02-17T13:13:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna sound like the biggest baby, but I'm so sick right now that I'm crying. I want my mommy....or someone to come take care of me....

it's frozen

2006-02-16T13:43:00.000-08:00

It's FREEZING outside right now. -34 to be exact. And my car didn't start when I tried to go to work @ like 12:30. So I called in & was like "my car is a frozen piece of shit, i'll see you tomorrow", and my manager is like "I thought i'd be getting a call from you". So I didn't work today. Made muffins instead. And since I had such a crappy cold day, I think I'm gonna go get Taco Time or something like that once my roommate gets home. Yummay.

Lyrics

2006-02-15T22:15:00.000-08:00

Pick 6 songs. Pick a lyric from those songs. Post it in your blog. Fun AND easy. Imagine that.

"32 Flavors" - Ani Difranco
and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room

"Everytime We Touch" - Cascada
I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why.
Without you it's hard to survive.

"Someone" - DHT
Let me be your...
Someone to hold you tight
Someone to make you feel All right.
Everyday and night
I wish I was your someone
Someone to hold you when you're weak
Someone to make you feel complete
Every day and night
I wish I was your someone

"Doesn't Really Matter" - Janet Jackson
Doesn't matter what your friends are telling you
Doesn't matter what my family's saying too
It just matters that I'm in love with you
It only matters that you love me too

"Starry Eyed Surprise" - Shifty
Once again, I find myself with my friends
Dancing the night away
Its like the party never ends
Then again we dont want it to stop
Cause tonights the night

Ok, for the last one, I have 2 dedicated to Gary, cuz he says they're both for me....

"Think Twice" - Eve 6
Think twice before you touch my girl
Come around I'll let you feel the burn
Think twice before you touch my girl
Come around come around no more

"Hey Mister" - Custom
Hey Mister I really like your daughter,
I'd like to eat her like ice cream
Maybe dip her in chocolate

Unwritten

2006-02-15T16:56:00.000-08:00

I have to post a bit of lyrics that make me feel really good.
It's Unwritten By Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

To me, that means that we're all here to make our own mistakes. It's a really feel good song, and sometimes when I feel like I just had a crappy day & everyone has been telling me what to do, I listen to it, and scream the lyrics, and then I feel better. Try it...it works.

no worry...

2006-02-15T07:20:00.000-08:00

I worry way too damn much....but I find that if I don't worry that too many things catch me off-guard. Everything is ok. Valentine's Day wasn't a TOTAL crappy day. Just sucked that Gary wasn't here, and I kept seeing couples going out for supper, or to movies, or getting flowers. I know that next week when Gary is here, I'll feel better.

It's FREEZING out today...had to start my car 1/2 hr early, so I hope that it runs ok today. Stupid car. It runs fine in the summer.

Helped Gary with his homework last nite for english. I love writing, I just realized that. It's like a hobby for me, except I never have anything good to write about, so I just don't.

My cats are freakin' out...chasing eachother, eating garbage, screaming, and yes, I said screaming. Didn't sleep to well last nite. Why is it that a cat will freak out all nite long, but sleep all day when you wouldn't mind the noise. Little bitches...haha.

uneasy on valentine's...not good

2006-02-14T06:49:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I just need some reassurance. I had a strange day yesterday....and today being Valentine's Day, I'm left with an uneasy feeling due to a conversation I had last night. And now I work 10-6 today, so I can't find out if everything is ok until after that...and possibly later because that person said that they won't be around until later.

Please oh please let everything be ok.

Happy Birthday

2006-02-12T16:17:00.000-08:00

Wow, 3 posts in like 10 minutes, thats impressive.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GARY!!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Weekend Part 2 (The Clean Version)

2006-02-12T16:01:00.000-08:00

Friday nite Gary came in to S'toon, and we went out for supper. It was kinda nice to have some alone time with him. AND I had no roommates on Friday nite, which was kinda nice...it's always so crowded & noisy here.

Saturday nite, we went to East Side Marios for supper...Gary's favorite place to eat in S'toon. It was really nice that everyone was able to show up that was invited. We've never really had luck w/ Gary's birthday & all our friends. Then we went to the Double Deuce & had drinks there. Met up with a few extra friends. Almost got into a bar fight. Went home, had grilled cheese sandwiches instead of our usual McDonalds. Haha.

Sunday morning (4 hours after getting to bed), we woke up (7am) to drive to PA for breakfast. That's right. Gary's dad makes the most awesome breakfasts in the WORLD. So we drove 1 & 1/2 hrs to eat. And we were back in S'toon by 3:30 today.

Sometimes I feel like the biggest idiot. When Gary leaves (if only even for a week), I cry. I really have no need to, and I know it makes him feel bad for having to leave, and then I feel bad for making him feel bad....chain of events. It's just not a very nice feeling when crying turns into guilt, and so on & so forth. I just wish I wasn't such a big baby sometimes.

And, to boot...my roommate & his girlfriend leave right after Gary does, so after having like 5 extra people here besides me....I now have none. And as much as I like the silence & alone time...it's not very nice to go from lots of people to none at all, and especially since I have such a hard time with Gary leaving.

Gary bought me 3 gourmet chocolate bars from 10,000 villages (expensive & organic...I love it). AND a rose at the bar. For valentine's day....even though it's his birthday first. I love him so much. *insert huge goofy "in love" smile here*

Bubble bath & chocolate calling my name.
Sometimes I just hate how I feel.

Weekend Part 1 (Disclaimer: Explicit Personal Information)

2006-02-12T16:00:00.000-08:00

Wow, the sex this weekend was INCREDIBLE....you would have thought it was MY birthday. Teehee. I will not go into details...that is all I'm going to say. Phew....

Happy Birthday To You....

2006-02-10T15:04:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST FRIEND CHRISTIE!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!
I Hope you have the Happiest Birthday EVER!

Friday Feast

2006-02-10T07:33:00.000-08:00

Appetizer
What was a class or course you took while in school that you realize now was a total waste of time?
The course I took in PA...although it wasn't a COMPLETE waste of time....I met Gary there.

Soup
Who is the tallest person you know?
Uhm....probably my cousin Geoff...he's like 6'5" or something like that. It's insane, and he thinks its funny to call me short, even though everyone is going to be shorter than the jolly green giant.

Salad
What's your favorite midnight snack?
I don't really have one, but I do have to agree with Brea. 7-11 does make some mighty fine drinkin food. Oh yea, and I looooooove pita pit late at nite. HAHA.

Main Course
Have you ever found money somewhere? If so, where did you find it, and how much was it?
I found a quarter on the street outside my work the other day.

Dessert
Where would you like to retire?
To be quite honest....in my hometown.

wow...like totally random

2006-02-09T16:54:00.000-08:00

I have more parts to Gary's birthday present to put together tonite...I wish I could say what it was...I'm too damn excited about it. I'm such a good girlfriend...a conceited one too. Haha.

So...the OC is on tonite. I'm so excited. It's gonna be sooooooooo intense...as usual. YAY!

Does anyone ever get a day when they just feel ugly? And every other feeling that goes along with that? I have those days every couple of days. And I had my moments today when I just felt ick. I wish there was like a machine w/ a button that you could push everytime you needed a compliment...and you could choose the voice & what it says, and just push the button, and it would be like "damn, you're hot", and then you could be like "thank you crazy machine". Or something like that...

I'm such a blond when it comes to cars....

2006-02-08T16:06:00.000-08:00

So today, thinking I'm gonna go get errands done before work....drivin along to drop off the rent check. Get there, drop it off...get back in my car & nothing. Damn thing wouldn't start. I didnt get to the bank to deposit the $$ so if rent comes out, I'm in trouble w/ a bounced check. So angrily I walk home in the cold.

Then my roommate gets home 4 hours later....after I called in to work saying I wasn't coming in cuz I had no ride & was just plain old peeved...I ask him to take me to look at my car, and guess what it was? THE BATTERY POSTS!! Just a stupid cable had come loose. I'm such an idiot.

sweet dreams?

2006-02-08T08:19:00.000-08:00

Why should I be so tired after 9 hours of sleep? Maybe it's because my mind was running around all last night. I had dreams of spending time with Gary, like getting piggy backs, going swimming, watching movies, etc. I think I just miss him a lot...

Google It!

2006-02-07T18:50:00.000-08:00

Ok, try this & post your results in your blog:

Go to Google Images search & Type in the following, the post your favorite link to the picture under each one!

Your Name
(Lacy)
http://westwood.fortunecity.com/vivienne/726/lacy.jpg

Your First Pet's Name
(Laddie)
http://sheltierescueut.org/Images/Laddie-old.JPG

Favorite Thing To Do On A Saturday
(watch cartoons)
http://www.geocities.com/clipart/pbi/pictures/Photos_People/womanwithhearts.jpg

Favorite Day Of The Week
(Friday)
http://todrownarose.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized/maeuschen2klein_smalljpg.jpeg

What You Wanted To Be When You Grew Up
(Teacher)
http://japanese-model-supplies.com/please%20teacher.jpg

The Last 4 Numbers Of Your Phone #
(1727)
http://compute2.shodor.org/mandy/cnew_archive/1727.gif

Livid, I tell you!!

2006-02-06T21:29:00.000-08:00

I'm so peeved right now. I work 5-11 today only to come home & see that my roommate has spilled paint water all over my coffee table, all over the floor & all over my notebook. RED PAINT WATER!! Then he tells me that he can't pay phone bill because he had to replace the alternator & battery on his truck because of his damn stereo. But he'll leave rent for me here (6 days late i might add)....and it's no where to be found. THEN he said that he can't come to Gary's birthday because he has no $$, and there's McDonald's bags & cups in the kitchen & in the living room for me to clean up. STOP SPENDING MONEY ON FOOD!! BUY SOME DAMN GROCERIES!! PAY RENT ON TIME!! STOP SPENDING MONEY ON YOUR DAMN GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm just LIVID!!!!

2006-02-06T14:26:00.000-08:00

Wow, I have to work in 1/2 hr and I really don't want to. It's like all day I'm ready to go to work, and then when the time rolls around, I just don't wanna. Maybe it's because of the stupid schedule & I have to work until 11pm tonite, and then be back there again for 10 tomorrow morning. It's just not fair.

So, my future roommate really wants to move in ASAP, but I can't tell my current roommate to pack up his shit & leave. He just got here like 2 weeks (or maybe it was 3 weeks) ago. But I really want her to move in sooner. I'm so torn.

Cold out today...very crisp. Good thing my piece of crap car started today.

Gary's birthday is next Sunday...I think I'm more excited than he is. This weekend was the 1st weekend that I didn't get to see him, so naturally I can't wait until next weekend. Also, the present I got him... is AWESOME! Seriously...it's such a huge surprise...I won't tell what it is until after he gets it cuz he's prolly reading this.

I should get ready to head to work now. Bah!

Supposed to be FRIDAY, but it's Sunday

2006-02-05T19:28:00.000-08:00

Appetizer
On a scale of 1 to 10 (10=highest), how sociable are you?
I'd say I'm about a 7...takes me a while to get to know someone, but once I know them...I am the most sociable person IN THE WORLD.

Soup
Name 3 DVDs you currently own.
Empire Records, Clueless, & Mean Girls. Thats right....girly movies.

Salad
If you were to win a superlative award now (such as most talented, class clown, most likely to succeed), what would it be?
Most Likely To Become "The Crazy Cat Lady".

Main CourseWhat is your favorite radio station?
C95, but only when they have 80's request lunch...I know...I'm a nut.

Dessert
Complete this sentence: I believe __________ because __________.
I believe that there is someone for everyone, because everyone deserves to have someone.

Stupid Girls

2006-02-05T19:03:00.000-08:00

New Greatest Song EVER: "Stupid Girls" By Pink. Why do I love it so much? Because I was such an "outcast" in highschool that it speaks to me. I HATE all those ditsy little city girls...the ones who are sooo skinny w/ their blond hair & expensive clothes. The kind that steal your boyfriend away. But really, when it comes down to it...they're nobodies. Just a piece of meat. So it doesn't bother me. Hahaha. That's right...I'm NOT "a stupid girl". I'm the 100% opposite...and I LOVE IT! That's it, that's all.

In the words of Pink "Where, oh where, have the smart people gone? Baby if I act like that, that guy will call me back What a paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl Baby if I act like that, flipping my blonde hair back Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl"....Don't you LOVE it?

2006-01-29T16:39:00.000-08:00

Feast Seventy-Five

Appetizer
Have you ever seen a ghost or an angel?
no, but I felt a presence in the room before

Soup
What is your favorite board game?
Probably monopoly...or Madgab...

Salad
What was the last movie you saw that made you cry?
Umm....Raise Your Voice

Main Course
What would you do if you had 3 months off from your job?
Weird question....I had 2 months off my job just recently. And the answer? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING....visit home

Dessert
What kind of shoes are you wearing today?
blue & grey runners

2006-01-29T16:35:00.000-08:00

Feast Seventy-Four
Appetizer
What is a word that your family uses that would not be considered common?
skittlebuttle

Soup
What theme of calendar do you have on your wall this year?
cats & dogs

Salad
Name 3 people you speak with on a daily basis.
my mom, grandma, Gary

Main Course
If you could put a new tattoo on someone you know - who would it be, what would the tattoo be of, and where would you put it on them?
Gary - something tribal...or a wild cat of some sort, and....on his shoulderblade

Dessert
What is the last beverage you drank out of a glass bottle?
Jones Strawberry Lime